Why is this so real?

52 Pick up

As of today, we can say that the NRA wants us to find its card in the deck.......

Clap but watch your wallet

Well, I think that the strip bar will always thank you for visiting.  But that said, I am not sure if there is a candy cane waiting for you at the end of the day at home.  Either way, the Middle East is less a champion of tradional Western Values than a trash can is the canopy of your dreams.  But I will say this, the above diagram is not entirely off base.  We should take our freedom to the world where it is impressed in good nature in the hearts of those who love liberty.  And most in the middle east hate Liberty and just love shelter and pennies and the other esteems of a "rich" lifestyle.  So no more strip bars when you are married.  You probably should not be going to them when you are not married either!

Torah is like a Comet

 

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check.

 



Torah is like a Comet

 

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check.

 



Torah is like a Comet

 

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check.

 



Torah is like a Comet

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check.

 



Torah is like a Comet

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check.

 



Torah is like a Comet

 

 

It comes into your life fast, it brightens the sky and it keeps the earth in check. 

Tinted glasses are always candy for the famous

Joy to the world.

Bone Dry Silence

I put a sticker of Mitt Romney on my Pipe containing Cigar Box. Translation: I am wondering what he is smoking.

Modern Day Declarations of Independance

Today, the declarations of independance ready themselves as the following:


When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to unfriend.

Par for facebook.

Each loves company

Read more

Drive the way

Sunshine cries

Jack the pass

Praise G-d

Surgery treats Romney

I bought him a tooth pick

Ligatures hate the bends

Israel never gets moon languages

Smile Mendy

Teething rings for jews are not Torah

Memory makes smart photographs

As verified by the witness stand

Rudders get average clothes

Famous men never step outside their homes in the internet age

Respect jeers at contemplation

Picky days never memorize names

Rats ass politics

Sure as day, the Eagle always writes its own acceptance letter. The owl never writes poetry and the raven wipes its own nose.

Something shiny this way comes

Mad Hatter

What do you call a rabbi that institutes Cherem on a Jew of trust in G-d?

Hare the hat eater

Totem pole mayhem

So they called the happy men to fix their unhappy life...

Bonafide developed

What did Jesus say when he got in the car?

>> I lost my crown of thornes!!!!!!

Clockwork Anathema for Youth

Here is the tribute to Fox News:

Tooth decay

Place the hand over the heart

What does a cannon and a crime have in common?

They both like to sing.

More Porsches

What do you get when you cross a psychiatrist and a hula hoop?

Labor of love

Farting zone

How many zeros does it take to see china?

Very quaint.

How many poets can fit into a streetcar?

Forget it

How many whores does it take to turn on a television set?

She will try to turn them all on

Jam Session

Citizen Kane meets Star Wars

What do you call the GOP when they buy bagels?

Grand rye party


What do you call the GOP when they spin dreidles?

Hail Mary



What do you call the GOP when they watch Star Wars?

Obi Wan Getoffme

Pockmarks in paradise

What do you call Lebron's eyes?

Generous dams

Pink Ties

What do you call a major who hates his religion?

Son of Spam

What do you call a man who hates his own faith but loves his G-d?

Stinky son of mine

Tzitzis- the Fringe Benefits of being a Jew

Bone Head humor but written well

Rereading Ray Bradbury

Willy Wonka does his Taxes

What do you call A Trench that Al Sharpton hides in during time of war?

(Tasters Choice)

What do you call a Ski Patrol Agent who helps Al on the ski slopes when he hits a bad bump?

(Maury Povich the Sled King)

What do you call Al Sharpton when he lies down naked on the golf course?

(Back 9)

To the 'pastafarians'

A flying spaghetti monster is one thing, but a rigatoni sunshine stand is a totally different story.

(please do not take my linguini moonlight away!)

Going where no man has gone before and getting a hitch

Voices of Appetite

What does Ted Nugent do with his camera on a Saturday Night?

(Throws it at the bubble gum dispenser)  [he can not find a good life if he tried]

What did Ted Nugent say to the Secret Service when he played Snakeskin Cowboys?

(Horray for your blue ashtray in my face)

What did Ted Nugent do when the Secret Service confiscated his guitar?

(built a new erector set trash can)

Fiveish Busted

What does Fiveish say to the communist Empire?

(Bleed me)

What did Fiveish do with his bible?

(Wrote his secretary of treasuries name in it)

What did Fiveish offer his sweetheart for Valentines Day?

(Scottsdale, Arizona)

Baby Talk

Power to the nipple.  



Saying it in Chinese

What do you call a Naturei Karta who wears a crown?

(Torquemada)

Busting out!

Mormons Post Humeously Baptize Jews.......

What do you call a mormon who has a breakfast with a surgeon?

(Oats and Honey)

What do you call a mormon who walks into a hardware store with a canary?

(Simple Simon)

What do you call a mormon who plays golf with the pharoah?

(Lucky Ed)

Who I am today

Tiresome Elves

What did Rick Santorum say to the walnut?

(How about a date?)  {Something to beat his head against!}

What did Rick Santorum speak to in the burger king line?

(his french bread surprise)  {get it, it goes with the sweater vests}

Swearing Allegience to the Republic for what is it.?

What does an atheist like to do for yule tide celebrations?

(Eats the chimney)

Working my head apart...

Lets make some pictoral associations for the benefit of building our inner community.

Torah and Swatch Watches.
Frogs and Poltergeist.
Igloos and Ham.
Sanity and Cheerios.
Birthdays and Gelt.
Money and Limes.

Smile you are on Constipation Theatre Acting Department Blues Train

What did the gerbil do at the Mitt Romney Convention?

(Walked into the committee success department)

What did the owl say when it met Mitt Romeny?

(Who????)

What did the carpet bagger do when Romney gave him a ball cap?

(Salute the General!)

Canary Baby Sitter Home Style

What does Mitt Romney say when he eats Lobster?

(Ball park America)

What does Mitt Romney say when he eats Shrimp?

(Surface of the Money!)

What does Mitt Romney offer to the Salvation Army when he leaves the Tractor Factory?

(Solutions!)

Flounder in your Fever

What does Adolf Hitler say to Rupert Murdoch?

(Those galoshes are really sharp)

What does Adolf Hitler say to Ann Coulter on a Friday Night?

(How about a book about poetry)

What does Adolf Hitler say to Ron Paul?

(Stand up Sit down, Fight Fight Fight)

Jack and Jill threw out their pill

Jack and jill threw out their pill
And thus there was no healing
For Jack and Jill, life was a thrill
And never so much a boring
For the fireengines were red
And the dead were all dead
And thus there was a mooring
But of course to say
That Jack and Jill were not gay
It was such a terrible Morning

Suffice to say that
If you like to play
It is good to go to the doctor
And eat your toast
And avoid the pig roast
And take your glass of water
With that Pill that was given
By your ever most friendly physician
Who cares that you live a better day

But if you dont oblige
And enjoy the dear good wine
Of the answers you were soon to be given
There will be a day
When the earth no longer will play
And you will be without a
Challenge from
The friends
You really needed to have
To go up that hill
And fetch a pail of
Water

Carrots and Sunshine on a Golf Outing

What does the doctor say to his ghost?

(Walk with me tomorrow)

What does the carrot say to the rabbit who has herpes?

(Bite me)

What does the number thirteen do when the number 39 comes to town?

(works on his golf game and plays the linx)

Goobers of Spit and Shine

What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he works on the Talmud at a Cantina in Maine?

(Squirrel)

What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he works on a marriage ceremony in the Catskills on a Wednesday after Yom Kippur?

(Enthusiasm)

What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he offers a dime to the Catholic Church?

(On his money)

Boyfriend can spend the night! Wow

What does the anti abortion activist say to the cheesesteak on the Anniversary of the Veitnam War?

(It hurts when I keep my smile on your face)

What the anti abortion activist throw away when he does his taxes?

(his lamp)

What does the anti abortion activist show to the marines when he opens his breakfast cereal on a Sunday morning?

(his two front teeth)

Simple Fun for Cheese Steaks

What does Rick Santorum write on his checks to the suicide hotline?

(Better you than me)

What does Rick Santorum work on when the Human Rights Watch (gay rights charity) is on the news?

(his belly button hair)

What does Rick Santorum do when the christian liberal front visits his golf range?

(gives them a cigar, hugs them and then hits his balls)

Tea Party on the Bow of a Candy Caravan

What do you call Newt Gingrich when he waters his roses?

(Cornucopia the Great)

What do you call Newt Gingrich when he bows to the farewell express?

(Stick in the mud)

What do you call Newt Gingrich as he reads poetry at a gay rights convention?

(Battalion in Jeopardy)

Mustard on the Relish

What does a speak easy say to its back yard?

(Frown at me and I will say hello)

What does a candy bar say to the rabbi at the steak house?

(Father you are cool)

What does the chocolate bar say to the candy striper on a Saturday in February?

(Slide the coccoon off your lips!)

Understanding the Perplexed

What does an ape say to a gerbil when the gerbil opens the door to the opera for the ape?

(How does excuse me go again?)

What does a cannibal say to the chocolate bar?

(Woe is me!)

What does the cannibal say to the light bulb on a friday afternoon?

(Survivor!)

Worry free Cider

How many toucans does it take to screw in a light bulb in Paris on the Fourth of July?

(Fourteen and if you like that you can buy a whole lot of lights too for the toucan festival also)

How many widgets can you fit into a hearse on the Monday that the Braves beat the Marlins?

(Thirty, but if you like the Marlins over the Braves, you can put a cherry tree in the car too)

How many owls can you include in a line up for a battery charge?

(Three, but owls hoot so you better be careful which one you shoot)

Dogs of Steel

What did the jumprope do when it was put over a lamp post?

(It sconed)

What did the elephant say to the egg casserole?

(How do you do too?)

What did the canary say to the Kentucky Blue Grass?
(How about a date)

5 ways to make sure your kid really likes the ChaBaD

1.  Build a wall in your soul and festoon it with Gophers

2.  Sign your checks in orange and black ink.

3.  Grasp your latkes with a firm fist.

4.  Bake Challah with a Green Tree in the oven.

5.  Fire your Soul

Sunshine Blue

What do you call a narcissist who eats gefilte fish?

(Charlie Nobody)

What do you call a narcissist who dines on caviar?

(Johnny come lately not at all)

What do you call a narcissist who eats Lobster?

(himself)

Titilating the Cherry Tree

What does a ChaBaDnik order when he goes to get Chinese?

(Butternut Squash, horsderves and a little bit of chocolate)

Gone is the Wind

What do you get when you put an Ace of Hearts in a NAZIs hat?

(gerbils that eat pennies)

What do you get when you put a garbage truck in a NAZI's driveway?

(cost of living adjustments)

What do you get when you aim a stun gun at a NAZI Uniform?

(poker tables)

What do you get when you sell a lollypop to a NAZI?

(Sucker in Hell)

Simply Innocent

What does a carrot do for breakfast?

(eats pea soup)

What does a combine producer do with his life savings?

(totem poles)

What does a spatula say to a light bulb?

(are you twisted or just happy to see me?)

Finding a Civil Libertarian

What do you call a Civil Libertarian who eats Egg rolls?

(donut head)

What do you call a Civil Libertarian who dines on lobster?

(bogus circus)

What do you call a Civil Libertarian who shows off his new Hummer?

(Jack and the Beanstalk)

What do you call a Civil Libertarian who owns a B-52?

(monster in the closet)

Buying the last drop

What do you do on a Saturday in Las Vegas?

(hide the shrimp!)

What do you do on a Monday in Veitnam?

(water the buffalos)

What do you do with a tank of paper mache?

(fill it with water and drive it to the next camp)

Surface of the Missile Cabinet

What do you call a North Korean Submarine in the port of Brazil?

(A talking head)

What do you call an Iranin Vomitorium?

(A voice guard)

What do you call a Chinese Blimp?

(Fortune Squared)

Scorching the French Bread

What do you call a submarine that eats french bread?

(Toaster Oven)

What do you call a submarine that gets a hair cut?

(Skilled Labor)

What do you call a Tank that opens a box of matzos?

(Something sunny this way comes)

Tea for Two

What do you call a Tea Partier who runs for a business college president?

(Lime Soda)

What do you call a Tea Partier who dunks his donut in milk?

(Powder sugar)

What do you call a Tea Partier who walks into a Bank on a Monday Morning?

(Absolute Zero)

What do you call a Tea Partier who breaks bread in the French Department?

(Sonnet)

What do you call a Tea Partier who eats Gefilte Fish on a Monday Afternoon?

(Sunshine and the Scarecrows)

Occupy the Light bulb

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who breaks bread on a prarie?

(a Cottonpicker)

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who walks into a pharmacy?

(Diplomacy)

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who runs for congress?

(Monster Brain)

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who gets a law degree?

(Butter fudge delight)

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Business Degree?

(Bum Bum Bum)

What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Medical Degree?

(Burning French Toast)

Constitutional degree

What do you call a Jewish Extremist in a Santa Clause Costume?

[Buckeye Jane]  

Enjoying the Sleals

What does a sleal do for a good time?

(buys monkey bars for his nostrils)

What does a sleal do with his lost earnings?

(purchases new sets of erector sets to build a good phone booth to change into Scubadiving man)

Naturei Karta in the bend

What do you call a Naturei Karta who spins a dreidel?

(A monster)

What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Yad?

(Kamikazee)

What do you call a Naturei Karta who makes friends with the pope?

(A Cornstalk)

What do you call a Naturei Karta who eats gefilte fish?

(Trust in the wind)

Live Wires

How many Drills does it take to f-ck a life wire?

(Do not eat your own soul)

Discussing Cheebs

How do you deal with a Cheeb who goes to New York?

(give him the station wagon)

How do you deal with a Cheeb who wants to eat Bagels and Lox?

(offer him a band aid)

How do you entertain a Cheeb in a strip bar?

(bandage him with a Nazi noose)

How do you do with a Cheeb who wants to write an American Novel?

(Fuck his money and do it good and then do a jig on his book)

Money for the Scoundrel of New York

What does Donald Trump do for breakfast?

(bites heads off of bones)

What does Donald Trump do for lunch?

(eats fish feet)

What does Donald Trump do for homework?

(buys New York Condoms)

What does Donald Trump do in the bathroom?

(he breaks his fast and eats more tuna)

Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones

Obadiah 1:15 For the day of the LORD is near upon all the nations; as thou hast done, it shall be done unto thee; thy dealing shall return upon thine own head.

Corn on the Idiot

Corn on the Idiot
A maize for the phone call
A freak in Paris
And a month of little bliss

West Boro Baptist Church in the Army

How do you train a west boro baptist to hold a candle of liberty?

(Give him a heart of cobblestone evil)

Naturei Karta Unlimited

What do you call a Naturei Karta with a cigarette?

(A Concentration camp eater)


What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Stethoscope?

(Mengele's Revenge)

What do you say to a Naturei Karta who eats your space balls?

(Burp America)

What do you say to a Naturei Karta who wears a Halloween Costume?

(Frick or Death)

Breaking the seal of your fresh prince

Strength in Numbers

Sincere Appreciation to Tyko

Dreidle Dreams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P32xKTcx4AQ

Counting the dimes on the table

Someone made this post on Facebook:
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." ~ Lena Horne

I have repharased it to carry my own integrity as well:
Its about the poetry in your pocket and not the pain in your money.

Calling upon Pat Robertson in Election Season

Pat Robetson at the match
A jar of non chalantly made cash
What did you say to me today
I say you are in with dismay
For to me to you
I must offer you a shoe
And say that I am wild
That the G-d of Abraham had a child
So its all about jesus doo
And not too much about you
So good luck today at the polls
The dreidle your jewish friend has is not as good as eggrolls

A Psalm of Santorum

Dearest Angel Up Above
Is it really me that you love?
I stage the fright of a time and space
As I show people how much I despise the Human Race
And such there is a G-d in the heavens
Who will never even stoop to give me honorable mention
I hope that I live a great life
And don't ever worry I have a wife
And such it is I will never go gay
But what do you think about my new parlay?