What does Adolf Hitler say to Rupert Murdoch?
(Those galoshes are really sharp)
What does Adolf Hitler say to Ann Coulter on a Friday Night?
(How about a book about poetry)
What does Adolf Hitler say to Ron Paul?
(Stand up Sit down, Fight Fight Fight)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Jack and Jill threw out their pill
Jack and jill threw out their pill
And thus there was no healing
For Jack and Jill, life was a thrill
And never so much a boring
For the fireengines were red
And the dead were all dead
And thus there was a mooring
But of course to say
That Jack and Jill were not gay
It was such a terrible Morning
Suffice to say that
If you like to play
It is good to go to the doctor
And eat your toast
And avoid the pig roast
And take your glass of water
With that Pill that was given
By your ever most friendly physician
Who cares that you live a better day
But if you dont oblige
And enjoy the dear good wine
Of the answers you were soon to be given
There will be a day
When the earth no longer will play
And you will be without a
Challenge from
The friends
You really needed to have
To go up that hill
And fetch a pail of
Water
And thus there was no healing
For Jack and Jill, life was a thrill
And never so much a boring
For the fireengines were red
And the dead were all dead
And thus there was a mooring
But of course to say
That Jack and Jill were not gay
It was such a terrible Morning
Suffice to say that
If you like to play
It is good to go to the doctor
And eat your toast
And avoid the pig roast
And take your glass of water
With that Pill that was given
By your ever most friendly physician
Who cares that you live a better day
But if you dont oblige
And enjoy the dear good wine
Of the answers you were soon to be given
There will be a day
When the earth no longer will play
And you will be without a
Challenge from
The friends
You really needed to have
To go up that hill
And fetch a pail of
Water
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Carrots and Sunshine on a Golf Outing
What does the doctor say to his ghost?
(Walk with me tomorrow)
What does the carrot say to the rabbit who has herpes?
(Bite me)
What does the number thirteen do when the number 39 comes to town?
(works on his golf game and plays the linx)
(Walk with me tomorrow)
What does the carrot say to the rabbit who has herpes?
(Bite me)
What does the number thirteen do when the number 39 comes to town?
(works on his golf game and plays the linx)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Goobers of Spit and Shine
What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he works on the Talmud at a Cantina in Maine?
(Squirrel)
What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he works on a marriage ceremony in the Catskills on a Wednesday after Yom Kippur?
(Enthusiasm)
What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he offers a dime to the Catholic Church?
(On his money)
(Squirrel)
What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he works on a marriage ceremony in the Catskills on a Wednesday after Yom Kippur?
(Enthusiasm)
What do you call Shmuley Boteach when he offers a dime to the Catholic Church?
(On his money)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Boyfriend can spend the night! Wow
What does the anti abortion activist say to the cheesesteak on the Anniversary of the Veitnam War?
(It hurts when I keep my smile on your face)
What the anti abortion activist throw away when he does his taxes?
(his lamp)
What does the anti abortion activist show to the marines when he opens his breakfast cereal on a Sunday morning?
(his two front teeth)
(It hurts when I keep my smile on your face)
What the anti abortion activist throw away when he does his taxes?
(his lamp)
What does the anti abortion activist show to the marines when he opens his breakfast cereal on a Sunday morning?
(his two front teeth)
Simple Fun for Cheese Steaks
What does Rick Santorum write on his checks to the suicide hotline?
(Better you than me)
What does Rick Santorum work on when the Human Rights Watch (gay rights charity) is on the news?
(his belly button hair)
What does Rick Santorum do when the christian liberal front visits his golf range?
(gives them a cigar, hugs them and then hits his balls)
(Better you than me)
What does Rick Santorum work on when the Human Rights Watch (gay rights charity) is on the news?
(his belly button hair)
What does Rick Santorum do when the christian liberal front visits his golf range?
(gives them a cigar, hugs them and then hits his balls)
Tea Party on the Bow of a Candy Caravan
What do you call Newt Gingrich when he waters his roses?
(Cornucopia the Great)
What do you call Newt Gingrich when he bows to the farewell express?
(Stick in the mud)
What do you call Newt Gingrich as he reads poetry at a gay rights convention?
(Battalion in Jeopardy)
(Cornucopia the Great)
What do you call Newt Gingrich when he bows to the farewell express?
(Stick in the mud)
What do you call Newt Gingrich as he reads poetry at a gay rights convention?
(Battalion in Jeopardy)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Mustard on the Relish
What does a speak easy say to its back yard?
(Frown at me and I will say hello)
What does a candy bar say to the rabbi at the steak house?
(Father you are cool)
What does the chocolate bar say to the candy striper on a Saturday in February?
(Slide the coccoon off your lips!)
(Frown at me and I will say hello)
What does a candy bar say to the rabbi at the steak house?
(Father you are cool)
What does the chocolate bar say to the candy striper on a Saturday in February?
(Slide the coccoon off your lips!)
Understanding the Perplexed
What does an ape say to a gerbil when the gerbil opens the door to the opera for the ape?
(How does excuse me go again?)
What does a cannibal say to the chocolate bar?
(Woe is me!)
What does the cannibal say to the light bulb on a friday afternoon?
(Survivor!)
(How does excuse me go again?)
What does a cannibal say to the chocolate bar?
(Woe is me!)
What does the cannibal say to the light bulb on a friday afternoon?
(Survivor!)
Worry free Cider
How many toucans does it take to screw in a light bulb in Paris on the Fourth of July?
(Fourteen and if you like that you can buy a whole lot of lights too for the toucan festival also)
How many widgets can you fit into a hearse on the Monday that the Braves beat the Marlins?
(Thirty, but if you like the Marlins over the Braves, you can put a cherry tree in the car too)
How many owls can you include in a line up for a battery charge?
(Three, but owls hoot so you better be careful which one you shoot)
(Fourteen and if you like that you can buy a whole lot of lights too for the toucan festival also)
How many widgets can you fit into a hearse on the Monday that the Braves beat the Marlins?
(Thirty, but if you like the Marlins over the Braves, you can put a cherry tree in the car too)
How many owls can you include in a line up for a battery charge?
(Three, but owls hoot so you better be careful which one you shoot)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Dogs of Steel
What did the jumprope do when it was put over a lamp post?
(It sconed)
What did the elephant say to the egg casserole?
(How do you do too?)
What did the canary say to the Kentucky Blue Grass?
(How about a date)
(It sconed)
What did the elephant say to the egg casserole?
(How do you do too?)
What did the canary say to the Kentucky Blue Grass?
(How about a date)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
5 ways to make sure your kid really likes the ChaBaD
1. Build a wall in your soul and festoon it with Gophers
2. Sign your checks in orange and black ink.
3. Grasp your latkes with a firm fist.
4. Bake Challah with a Green Tree in the oven.
5. Fire your Soul
2. Sign your checks in orange and black ink.
3. Grasp your latkes with a firm fist.
4. Bake Challah with a Green Tree in the oven.
5. Fire your Soul
Sunshine Blue
What do you call a narcissist who eats gefilte fish?
(Charlie Nobody)
What do you call a narcissist who dines on caviar?
(Johnny come lately not at all)
What do you call a narcissist who eats Lobster?
(himself)
(Charlie Nobody)
What do you call a narcissist who dines on caviar?
(Johnny come lately not at all)
What do you call a narcissist who eats Lobster?
(himself)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Titilating the Cherry Tree
What does a ChaBaDnik order when he goes to get Chinese?
(Butternut Squash, horsderves and a little bit of chocolate)
(Butternut Squash, horsderves and a little bit of chocolate)
Gone is the Wind
What do you get when you put an Ace of Hearts in a NAZIs hat?
(gerbils that eat pennies)
What do you get when you put a garbage truck in a NAZI's driveway?
(cost of living adjustments)
What do you get when you aim a stun gun at a NAZI Uniform?
(poker tables)
What do you get when you sell a lollypop to a NAZI?
(Sucker in Hell)
(gerbils that eat pennies)
What do you get when you put a garbage truck in a NAZI's driveway?
(cost of living adjustments)
What do you get when you aim a stun gun at a NAZI Uniform?
(poker tables)
What do you get when you sell a lollypop to a NAZI?
(Sucker in Hell)
Simply Innocent
What does a carrot do for breakfast?
(eats pea soup)
What does a combine producer do with his life savings?
(totem poles)
What does a spatula say to a light bulb?
(are you twisted or just happy to see me?)
(eats pea soup)
What does a combine producer do with his life savings?
(totem poles)
What does a spatula say to a light bulb?
(are you twisted or just happy to see me?)
Finding a Civil Libertarian
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who eats Egg rolls?
(donut head)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who dines on lobster?
(bogus circus)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who shows off his new Hummer?
(Jack and the Beanstalk)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who owns a B-52?
(monster in the closet)
(donut head)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who dines on lobster?
(bogus circus)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who shows off his new Hummer?
(Jack and the Beanstalk)
What do you call a Civil Libertarian who owns a B-52?
(monster in the closet)
Monday, January 16, 2012
Buying the last drop
What do you do on a Saturday in Las Vegas?
(hide the shrimp!)
What do you do on a Monday in Veitnam?
(water the buffalos)
What do you do with a tank of paper mache?
(fill it with water and drive it to the next camp)
(hide the shrimp!)
What do you do on a Monday in Veitnam?
(water the buffalos)
What do you do with a tank of paper mache?
(fill it with water and drive it to the next camp)
Surface of the Missile Cabinet
What do you call a North Korean Submarine in the port of Brazil?
(A talking head)
What do you call an Iranin Vomitorium?
(A voice guard)
What do you call a Chinese Blimp?
(Fortune Squared)
(A talking head)
What do you call an Iranin Vomitorium?
(A voice guard)
What do you call a Chinese Blimp?
(Fortune Squared)
Scorching the French Bread
What do you call a submarine that eats french bread?
(Toaster Oven)
What do you call a submarine that gets a hair cut?
(Skilled Labor)
What do you call a Tank that opens a box of matzos?
(Something sunny this way comes)
(Toaster Oven)
What do you call a submarine that gets a hair cut?
(Skilled Labor)
What do you call a Tank that opens a box of matzos?
(Something sunny this way comes)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Tea for Two
What do you call a Tea Partier who runs for a business college president?
(Lime Soda)
What do you call a Tea Partier who dunks his donut in milk?
(Powder sugar)
What do you call a Tea Partier who walks into a Bank on a Monday Morning?
(Absolute Zero)
What do you call a Tea Partier who breaks bread in the French Department?
(Sonnet)
What do you call a Tea Partier who eats Gefilte Fish on a Monday Afternoon?
(Sunshine and the Scarecrows)
(Lime Soda)
What do you call a Tea Partier who dunks his donut in milk?
(Powder sugar)
What do you call a Tea Partier who walks into a Bank on a Monday Morning?
(Absolute Zero)
What do you call a Tea Partier who breaks bread in the French Department?
(Sonnet)
What do you call a Tea Partier who eats Gefilte Fish on a Monday Afternoon?
(Sunshine and the Scarecrows)
Occupy the Light bulb
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who breaks bread on a prarie?
(a Cottonpicker)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who walks into a pharmacy?
(Diplomacy)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who runs for congress?
(Monster Brain)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who gets a law degree?
(Butter fudge delight)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Business Degree?
(Bum Bum Bum)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Medical Degree?
(Burning French Toast)
(a Cottonpicker)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who walks into a pharmacy?
(Diplomacy)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who runs for congress?
(Monster Brain)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor who gets a law degree?
(Butter fudge delight)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Business Degree?
(Bum Bum Bum)
What do you call an Occupy Wall Street Protestor with a Medical Degree?
(Burning French Toast)
Enjoying the Sleals
What does a sleal do for a good time?
(buys monkey bars for his nostrils)
What does a sleal do with his lost earnings?
(purchases new sets of erector sets to build a good phone booth to change into Scubadiving man)
(buys monkey bars for his nostrils)
What does a sleal do with his lost earnings?
(purchases new sets of erector sets to build a good phone booth to change into Scubadiving man)
Naturei Karta in the bend
What do you call a Naturei Karta who spins a dreidel?
(A monster)
What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Yad?
(Kamikazee)
What do you call a Naturei Karta who makes friends with the pope?
(A Cornstalk)
What do you call a Naturei Karta who eats gefilte fish?
(Trust in the wind)
(A monster)
What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Yad?
(Kamikazee)
What do you call a Naturei Karta who makes friends with the pope?
(A Cornstalk)
What do you call a Naturei Karta who eats gefilte fish?
(Trust in the wind)
Discussing Cheebs
How do you deal with a Cheeb who goes to New York?
(give him the station wagon)
How do you deal with a Cheeb who wants to eat Bagels and Lox?
(offer him a band aid)
How do you entertain a Cheeb in a strip bar?
(bandage him with a Nazi noose)
How do you do with a Cheeb who wants to write an American Novel?
(Fuck his money and do it good and then do a jig on his book)
(give him the station wagon)
How do you deal with a Cheeb who wants to eat Bagels and Lox?
(offer him a band aid)
How do you entertain a Cheeb in a strip bar?
(bandage him with a Nazi noose)
How do you do with a Cheeb who wants to write an American Novel?
(Fuck his money and do it good and then do a jig on his book)
Money for the Scoundrel of New York
What does Donald Trump do for breakfast?
(bites heads off of bones)
What does Donald Trump do for lunch?
(eats fish feet)
What does Donald Trump do for homework?
(buys New York Condoms)
What does Donald Trump do in the bathroom?
(he breaks his fast and eats more tuna)
(bites heads off of bones)
What does Donald Trump do for lunch?
(eats fish feet)
What does Donald Trump do for homework?
(buys New York Condoms)
What does Donald Trump do in the bathroom?
(he breaks his fast and eats more tuna)
Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones
Obadiah 1:15 For the day of the LORD is near upon all the nations; as thou hast done, it shall be done unto thee; thy dealing shall return upon thine own head.
Corn on the Idiot
Corn on the Idiot
A maize for the phone call
A freak in Paris
And a month of little bliss
A maize for the phone call
A freak in Paris
And a month of little bliss
Saturday, January 14, 2012
West Boro Baptist Church in the Army
How do you train a west boro baptist to hold a candle of liberty?
(Give him a heart of cobblestone evil)
(Give him a heart of cobblestone evil)
Naturei Karta Unlimited
What do you call a Naturei Karta with a cigarette?
(A Concentration camp eater)
What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Stethoscope?
(Mengele's Revenge)
What do you say to a Naturei Karta who eats your space balls?
(Burp America)
What do you say to a Naturei Karta who wears a Halloween Costume?
(Frick or Death)
(A Concentration camp eater)
What do you call a Naturei Karta with a Stethoscope?
(Mengele's Revenge)
What do you say to a Naturei Karta who eats your space balls?
(Burp America)
What do you say to a Naturei Karta who wears a Halloween Costume?
(Frick or Death)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Counting the dimes on the table
Someone made this post on Facebook:
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." ~ Lena Horne
I have repharased it to carry my own integrity as well:
Its about the poetry in your pocket and not the pain in your money.
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." ~ Lena Horne
I have repharased it to carry my own integrity as well:
Its about the poetry in your pocket and not the pain in your money.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Calling upon Pat Robertson in Election Season
Pat Robetson at the match
A jar of non chalantly made cash
What did you say to me today
I say you are in with dismay
For to me to you
I must offer you a shoe
And say that I am wild
That the G-d of Abraham had a child
So its all about jesus doo
And not too much about you
So good luck today at the polls
The dreidle your jewish friend has is not as good as eggrolls
A jar of non chalantly made cash
What did you say to me today
I say you are in with dismay
For to me to you
I must offer you a shoe
And say that I am wild
That the G-d of Abraham had a child
So its all about jesus doo
And not too much about you
So good luck today at the polls
The dreidle your jewish friend has is not as good as eggrolls
A Psalm of Santorum
Dearest Angel Up Above
Is it really me that you love?
I stage the fright of a time and space
As I show people how much I despise the Human Race
And such there is a G-d in the heavens
Who will never even stoop to give me honorable mention
I hope that I live a great life
And don't ever worry I have a wife
And such it is I will never go gay
But what do you think about my new parlay?
Is it really me that you love?
I stage the fright of a time and space
As I show people how much I despise the Human Race
And such there is a G-d in the heavens
Who will never even stoop to give me honorable mention
I hope that I live a great life
And don't ever worry I have a wife
And such it is I will never go gay
But what do you think about my new parlay?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)